“How Was School Today?”; How to Ask Questions That Get More Than “Good.”
How to ask questions that get more in-depth answers from your child, with insight from a Pediatric Speech-Language Pathologist
Written By: McKenna Crisp, M.S R-SLP
Registered Speech Language Pathologist
We’ve all been there. We ask our children how their school day was, and get a one-word answer: “Good.”
It can drive you a little crazy because you want to know more! You want to hear about what they learned, who they played with, what they enjoyed, and maybe even what didn’t go so well. But somehow, you can’t seem to get past “good.”
So, how can we support our children in giving more detailed answers and having more meaningful conversations about their day?
There are two elements that we consider when our children don’t expand upon a question in the way we anticipate they will.
The first is: Is my question an open or closed question?
The second is: Does my child have the language skills needed to describe what happened?
This blog post will discuss both of these topics and provide some strategies you can use at home to encourage more detailed conversations with your child.
Let’s Talk About Open and Closed Questions, and the Role of “Social Scripts”.
When we think about open and closed questions, we are thinking about whether a question allows the conversation to naturally keep going or whether it can cause the conversation to stall.
A closed question is one that can typically be answered with a short or one-word response. For example, yes/no questions often result in a quick answer.
Another type of question that can result in a short response is a question that follows a social script. Social scripts are phrases or exchanges that we have learned to respond to almost automatically, without having to think much about our answer.
For example, if someone asks you, “How are you?”, you may instantly respond, “Good,” without actually thinking about how you are feeling or wanting to start a conversation about your day.
Another example can be a little embarrassing, such as when a flight attendant says, “Have a nice flight,” and you accidentally respond, “You too!”
These responses are not necessarily a problem. In fact, they are a normal part of everyday communication! However, when we are trying to encourage our children to tell us more about their day, these types of questions may not give them much opportunity to expand.
This is where open-ended questions can be helpful.
Open-ended questions give your child more space to explain, describe, and share information.
Some examples of open-ended questions to ask your child after they’ve been at school for the day include:
What was your favourite part of school today?
What did you play at recess?
Tell me about something cool that you learned today!
Who did you play with today?
What was the funniest thing that happened today?
Especially when transitioning into more open-ended questions, starting with positive or familiar topics can make it easier for your child to participate in the conversation.Once your child becomes more comfortable sharing details about their day, you can gradually transition into questions such as:“What was the trickiest part of your day?”or “Was there anything that was hard for you today?”
How to support their language and communication to further their answers.
Okay, we’ve tried open-ended questions, and we’re still getting nowhere. What do we do now?
Sometimes, the issue isn’t the question we are asking. Our children may also need support with the language skills required to formulate a detailed answer. As Speech-Language Pathologists, we often start by working on smaller, more immediate recaps.
This could be something fun, like having your child watch a short video and then asking them to tell you what happened immediately afterward. The key here is the immediacy. By asking your child to summarize something right after they have watched it, there is less time for them to forget important details.
Want a screen-free option? You can do the same thing with a book! Read a chapter together and then ask your child to tell you what happened. You could also have your child draw a comic strip showing what happened in the story.
The goal of these activities is to build your child’s ability to create and retell a story with a beginning, middle, and end.
These are important foundational skills for being able to answer questions with more detail and depth than simply saying, “Good.”
As these skills develop, you can gradually increase the amount of information you expect your child to include in their answers. You might start with one or two details and eventually work toward longer, more complete narratives.
The next time you ask, “How was school today?” and get a “Good,” remember that there may be more going on than simply not wanting to talk!
Sometimes, we need to change how we ask the question, and other times, our children may need support with how to organize and express their answer.
When should I follow up with Speech Language Pathologist for support with my child’s language development?
If you continue to have concerns regarding your child’s language development, or you’re curious about whether their language skills are developing as expected, we encourage you to follow up with a Speech-Language Pathologist.
An SLP can assess your child’s language skills and provide individualized strategies to help support their language expansion, storytelling, and everyday communication.
Do you have questions regarding your child’s speech and language development? Please reach out to info@ascendpeds.com, and they would be happy to help!
